Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.
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It always gives me much joy when I think about my two birth experiences and the fact that I am able to recount and embrace every part of them. I am the one who did have ‘perfect’ births and I am not afraid to sing and shout about it in the hope that it will encourage other women to at least believe that it is possible.
This week I was watching a Wayne Dyer presentation in which he stated: ‘To accomplish anything you must first expect it of yourself.’ And with pregnancy and birth I really did have great expectations, put in a lot of practice and manifested some beautiful results. I am becoming more keenly aware that if I applied that level of intention, focus and consistent effort to many other areas in my life then a lot of things that I am not comfortable with at present would be quite different!
In the last month I’ve given two presentations about Pain-free Birth in which I presented some steps that I used to achieve such an experience. I even wrote a small book on it that is available in Dominica. I know that everyone’s birth experience is different and I’m not preaching that there is a one size fits all formula that will guarantee particular results. But I will say that if natural birthing can be embraced without fear, exalted to a journey of joy and approached with an overflowing stream of confidence there will be a great shift in women and probably some more empowered stories being told, whatever details the journey involved.
I am motivated to keep the conversation of birthing with ease alive because I want other women to, at the very least, have a glimpse of the possibilities and, at best, rock up to their birth in the most jubilant mood and state of mind possible. Recently I received a series of phone calls from a pregnant teenager terrified of giving birth because of the horror stories the rest of her family had been telling her. Then I had a phone call with a family member who was feeling overwhelmed at adjusting to life with a newborn, mainly because she hadn’t gotten over how painful her medicated birth was. Just a few weeks later I met a highly professional and accomplished young woman so afraid of the birth experience that she is certain of scheduling a c-section to avoid giving birth as nature intended. I am saddened that the abounding culture of our time makes women afraid, misinformed and unprepared for birth which can be one of the most amazing transitions and rite-of-passage that a woman can experience.
So in the spirit of re-iterating the some of the amazing moments of our births here goes:
Birth One (full story here)
- My waters broke but no contractions started and despite being urged to go to the hospital I chose to stay at home to kick-start the process naturally and in our own time. I took a long walk and as I stood by the river a name of our child was whispered into my ears by the wind.
- At 1am, 12 hours after my waters broke, I did some yoga lunges, the process began and I went back to sleep.
- When I did finally go to the hospital after a good breakfast I was already crowning and excitedly climbed onto the delivery table singing.
- My partner and I laughed kissed and enjoyed the moments, much to the surprise of the small crowd of midwives who had gathered to witness the occasion! My only complaint was the instruction to push which was the most instinctual thing I could do anyway and I wanted to relax into it without being coached. Within ½ an hour after arriving at the hospital our first-born child emerged into the world with completely ease and peace. Her lips were cherry red and her midnight black eyes were WIDE open and alert. I was a mother. I was blessed. Life forever changed.
The moment Keeyah was born – a new family!
Birth Two – a planned, home, water, hypnobirth (full story here)
- My labour lasted only 4 hours from start to baby.
- I was completely relaxed throughout with the exception of a few surges which caught me with too much mental chatter happening. At this point I found my mind wanting to escape my body until I checked in with myself and reminded myself to observe sensation rather than attaching a label of pain to the experience.
- That worked a treat and I was mostly in denial that I was in real advanced labour until my waters spilled all over the floor and I dropped to my hands and knees, hummed and got comfortable for the ride. It was then that I experienced a truly blissful sensation.
- Even though I had an initial urge to push I got calm instead because a) my birth pool was not ready, b) my midwife had not arrived and c) I really wanted to do the full birth breathing that I’d read about in Hypnobirthing.
- And what joy. I felt every movement of my baby down the birth canal. Inch by inch he moved down and fluid would be displaced from my body to the floor. There was an intense sensation in my thighs during this movement that was comparable to the sore aching that is felt after an 8 hour walk to the Boiling Lake (maybe only my Dominican readers will be able to truly relate to this analogy). However, I observed this until the point that it was pleasurable part of the process.
- When my midwife arrived, told me I was fully dilated and could begin pushing, I felt so at ease with the relaxed breathing process that I carried on with it until I felt my baby crown and the pushing sensation became a primal necessity. With one simple exertion my baby gave leave from his internal home and emerged into the pool and into the world. It was joy. Empowered, magical joy. My 15-month daughter was there to greet him and a new chapter in our lives began.
Our home, hypno, water birth. Bliss!
I loved, loved, loved giving birth and if I thought that myself and the Earth could support more babies I’d certainly be reproducing at a rapid rate!
While not everyone will have a ‘perfect’ birth experience I think perfection lies in a woman’s confidence, self-knowledge and calm. Then, whatever turn the birth experience takes, it can be embraced with decisiveness and without regrets. For me talking about natural birth is a passion in the hope can be a voice amongst the crowds who say the opposite; that I can open a window of possibility or even a wide open door with a welcome mat; that one day more women will tell sweet, simple stories of birth and give wise counsel to the next generation. In my world, birth is powerful, mystical and blissful and to be totally savoured and enjoyed.
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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)
- I Had A C-Section. So What! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama rewrites her birth story now that she has worked through the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment of not having the “perfect” birth.
- The Perfect Birth — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on how a birth can be far from what we imagined, but still perfect.
- Own Your Birth: My Hope For All Expectant Moms — Andrea at Tales of Goodness shares how she owned her birth spiritually (while navigating it physically) in order to have a joyous experience.
- Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience — It wasn’t what Lily at Witch Mom wanted, but it was everything she needed.
- The Painless Natural Homebirth of BabyE — Shannon at GrowingSlower wants women considering natural birth to know painless births are possible.
- Reflections on Jemma’s Birth … 20 Months Later — It took a second pregnancy for That Mama Gretchen to fully embrace her first birth experience.
- Loving My Unnatural Birth Experience — Erika at Cinco de Mommy cherishes her very first birth experience, in all its unnatural glory!
- Be Careful What you Wish for in Birth — Amber at Strocel.com had two births, and it was the one that went to plan that she struggled with embracing.
- Redeeming an unexpected hospital transfer — Lauren at Hobo Mama looks back at her first, interrupted home-turned-hospital birth, and finds the beauty in what happened.
- All of it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had to learn to embrace the whole experience of birth even though it meant being naked . . . with an audience.
- Birthing Dreams & Realities — Momma Jorje never had a “dream birth,” but she wouldn’t change a thing about her births.
- Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm — While neither of her children’s births had been quite what she expected, Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife cherishes one moment in particular from each of her birth experiences.
- Embracing Our Birth Stories — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares a sensitive post on her recent birth which both did and didn’t go ‘to plan’, and writes about the journey of coming to terms with the good and the bad.
- Two Beautiful Births — Sheila at A Gift Universe remembers how her mother brought out the beauty in each of her children’s births, and tries to do the same with her sons’ birth stories.
- Embracing My Supernatural ChildBirth Experiences… — Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy shares her fond memories on both her supernatural childbirth experiences
- Embracing the Hospital Birth Experience — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction believes that sometimes a medicated, induced hospital birth is the right choice for a natural parent.
- Carnival: Embracing Your Birth Experience — Stephanie at The Other Baby Blog embraces the birth experience from a paleobiologist’s point of view and takes a look at how humans defy their anatomy.
- Reflections on My First Birth and Preparing for a Second — Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter shares the strength she didn’t realize she had until she gave birth to her son.
- becoming a mama – embracing my birth experience — Meegs at A New Day remembers the birth of her daughter Gwenivere, and the empowered feeling it left her with.
- What About Us? A Poem About Birth — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares a poem she wrote about healing from an unexpected and emotionally painful birth experience.
- Be a Man: One Father’s View of Birth — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares her husband’s advice to other fathers and partners.
- A Birth Monologue — Kat at MomeeeZen shares a monologue she wrote during the process of healing from her birth experiences.
- Forgiveness: My Birth Journey — Leah at The Crunchy Farm Baby discusses what happens when her planned homebirth doesn’t end up the way she wanted, and explains her journey of forgiving herself for losing that “perfect” birth.
- Patching together a perfect birth — KrissyFair at Think Mama, Think learned that sometimes a perfect birth happens in pieces.
- Celebrating and Sharing the Possibilities of Perfect Birth — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle joyfully shares details of her perfect births and wishes to inspire a more positive cultural expectation about birth.
- Instinct – Embracing Your Birth Experience — Laura at Laura’s Blog reflects on instinctual moments during and after the births of her two daughters.
- I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that’s one thing she can celebrate.
- Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn’t need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
- Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
- Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she’d really be most comfortable when the time came…
- Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn’t they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
- The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
- the Best Thing About My Labor Experience — Crunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
- Your Birth Was My Favorite — Dulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
- Birth Story: Part One – Moon on a Stick! — Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
- Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
- Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
- A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
- Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
- What’s to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
- What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child’s birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
- I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
- Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
- Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
- All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman’s Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
- A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
- Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
- Two Different Births — Cassie at There’s a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
- Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
- Little Sister’s Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn’t exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
- A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons’ births.
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What beautiful birth stories, Terri! I am so thankful for women like you who are willing to step out among the (many) naysayers and encourage women and tell them that it IS possible to have a perfect birth experience (in whatever form that may take!). It was stories like yours that encouraged me when we were planning a natural home water birth for our son (that we eventually lost due to preeclampsia) when even our closest family members were extremely unsupportive.
First, I wanted to echo how amazing it feels to experience a baby descending – to feel every single bit of it. Intense and indescribable!! Second, I, too, wish we could change the culture of birth so that the number one goal was empowerment and confidence. While I had two natural births, I was *so* much more confident and empowered for my second – how I wish I’d felt that way for my first! Thank you for the work you do, Terri!
Thank you so much for spreading the word that birth can happen without fear – that it NEEDS to happen without fear. It sounds like you had incredible births and joyful stories like yours are so important.
KrissyFair recently posted..Patching together a perfect birth
Wonderful post! I wouldn’t say my birth was “perfect,” but it was wonderful and made me feel powerful! Its definitely important to let women know that is possible!
Meegs recently posted..becoming a mama – embracing my birth experience
What a beautiful post. Your births exemplify the kind of birth I want next time. I love the way you described your state of mind in your second birth. It’s a completely different experience to the one I had. You’ve really inspired me. Thank you.
I love your stories of birth, and I completely understand the feeling as well, of giving birth and being present for it all… What a beautiful experience, so amazing. Loving you mama! xo
Lauren recently posted..LL’s Livity Letters for June!
I vote for taking the word perfect out of the vocabulary in the birthing world…and replacing it with words like confidence, peace, empowerment, awareness and being informed. There is no such thing as a perfect birth because the word “perfect” unfortunately is attached to us comparing it to something else which brings up other words like “better”, “superior, etc. Also, every woman will experience something totally different than the next…and in the end, what does matter is how she felt, how she was made to feel, and how she remembers it all. I think it’s wonderful and necessary to encourage women to believe in themselves and their ability to birth. Thank you for all the work you are doing to accomplish this! It is a beautiful process and a life changing experience. But they should also not be made to feel they have a certain standard they need to live up to. That is why I love your last paragraph! Thank you for sharing. Your photos are beautiful BTW
Wow, such a positive and uplifting story!
Tat recently posted..Sometimes no plan is the best plan
I love the happiness in your face in your photos! I love seeing that face on women during childbirth…and like you, I believe we need to continue to work hard to return birth to women. All forms of birth–because there is no “perfect” way of having a baby…there is just the way that’s right for each mom-baby pair; but the way a mother is supported and the way she feels is crucial to the way she will look back on that memory. Thanks for sharing
Beautiful pictures! I used hypnobabies with both my of my children’s births and I do love the fact that neither of those experiences do I remember as painful. I do not understand when people say giving birth hurts. Exhausting, yes. Painful, not really.
Laura recently posted..Instinct – Embracing Your Birth Experience
What an empowering post! Congratulations on your perfect births! It certainly is something to brag about
I love the way you describe that you manifested your births – I believe in exactly the same thing!
I love your ending sentence: “In my world, birth is powerful, mystical and blissful and to be totally savoured and enjoyed.” Thank you for such an amazing story!