Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love

Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they advocate for healthy, gentle parenting choices compassionately. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Since my teens, I’ve been an advocate for natural eco-living. I became vegetarian at age 13 and a few years later my Mum, Aunt and Uncle all became veggie too. I got my Grandparents into recycling, encouraged co-workers to turn out lights and save paper, planted vegetable gardens for my friends, and educated many others  about eco, healthy living just by being myself. So when I became a parent, nothing really changed, actually it all probably intensified!

I started this blog as my way of sharing all that I was learning and natural/eco/gentle parenting. And here are a few real life situations where I have advocated for healthy and gentle parenting choices.

PRE-BIRTH

Birth Plan
I created a birth plan, not a shocker for many people but it may have been one of the first my ob/gyn had ever been presented with! I encouraged her to look into and accept our natural way of doing things even in the face of resistance. I encourage all my pregnant friends to write a birth plan and keep in a positive frame of mind when dealing with critics.

Hypnobirthing
As an avid reader, I consumed as much information I could about natural birth whilst pregnant. My absolute favourite book is HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method which, with its descriptions of and techniques for gentle, calm, pain-free birthing, totally resonated with me. After using Hypnobirthing successfully for two beautiful births, I continually lend out the book and CD’s to other friends so they too may benefit from it. Honestly, if I could walk around with a few copies in my bag and hand it out to pregnant women in the street I probably would! (My book review is here)

BIRTH

Natural Birth in Hospital
For our first child we had a beautiful natural birth in the hospital. Despite having on my birth plan that I only wanted 1-2 people in the room I actually had a small crowd of nurses who came to watch ‘the woman who came to the hospital with her baby’s head appearing, jumped on the delivery table singing and kept laughing and smiling throughout the experience!’ I actually didn’t mind their presence at all and was glad to have the chance to be an example of a birthing experience that is quite different from many others I’ve heard about.

Natural Birth at Home
Our second child was born easily at home and may have been one of the very first babies in Dominica to be born in birth pool. The amazing midwife we used went on to assist with several other natural home births and another water-birth (ours was her first!). I love telling the story of how he was born with just one push! On one occasion I had a group of my family (even the men) so enthralled at the idea of such a positive birth that we were discussing it all afternoon. To me this is like planting seeds of possibility for other peaceful births!

Lecture for Midwives
Recently I was invited to give a 1 hour talk to a group of trainee midwives to share my experiences of natural birth. Let me tell you, that was FUN! Afterward many shared how inspired they were to support others to birth naturally, which made me so happy. Home births are not readily available in Dominica as the midwives are not fully equipped, but I feel so passionately about having the choice to home-birth that I plan to do some work in the near future to change this.

ATTACHMENT / ECO-PARENTING

Breastfeeding
As a tandem-nursing, brazen breastfeeding lactivist I have challenged quite a few beliefs on extended breastfeeding, breastfeeding throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding two children. Most of the time I don’t even have to say a word. I hope that some of my interactions with others have been an informative and encouraging eye-opener of what is possible with breastmilk and willpower!

Cloth Diapers
I’ve experimented with a wide range of diapers  – prefolds, all-in-ones, pockets, covers – and have learnt quite a few things about them. Cloth diapers are not locally available in Dominica so, when someone is interested in using cloth, I’m always happy to share my experiences so they don’t waste money. (My reviews are here and here). My set of extra-small newborn diapers have just been returned to me from a friend and have been washed and folded ready for the next person (which probably won’t be me just yet)!

Baby-Wearing
Similar to cloth diapering, I was keen to try out a range of baby carriers. Baby-wearing is ESSENTIAL to my parenting and I love to talk about the many benefits. I’ve lent my mei-tai carriers out to several Mama friends. I love to give impromptu demos on how I tie my beautiful wrap and offer tips on getting a baby on and off the back. And anyone who has seen me on a bus knows how swiftly I can get either one of my kids into an Ergo when it’s time to dismount!

Gentle Discipline
The subject of gentle discipline is very close to my heart. In a country where ‘beating’ children is a cultural norm, I am hurt every time I hear or see corporal punishment or excessive punitive measures being taken against children. I am far from a perfect parent, I don’t always get things right or say things well (or at the right volume), but hitting a child will never seem right to me. To me advocacy is not about giving people unwanted advice but I sometimes feel complicit in a crime by not speaking up with others who hit their kids. I really need to find a way to reconcile this dilemma  and all positive advice is welcome to help me on this one. I have a blog post on this subject and will share it on April 30th which is No-Spank Day in the USA. I also have a few big ideas up my sleeve on how to transform the acceptability of hitting youngsters in Dominica, watch this space…change is gonna come!

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Most of us parents know that to teach a child something positive we have to be an example. To me this is what advocating a natural lifestyle and parenting is all about, just doing what feels right for me and letting that speak for itself. There can sometimes be a fine line between compassionate advocacy and offering unasked for opinions. I try my best not to do the latter, act judgmental or appear like ‘I have my life oh so sorted, sit down at my feet and learn from me the ultimate parenting guru!’ The great part about blogging is that I can freely express my ideals and anyone has a choice if they want to read it and take it on board. However if you meet me in person and my exuberant passion for natural parenting happens to boil over just tell me okay! I continue on this path knowing I have so, so, so much to learn (which is why I read a TON of other blogs each week discussing natural parenting – check out my blogroll for some of my faves). My desire is to inspire others to live more harmoniously with their children and the planet alongside finding great joy in being inspired by others too.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Natural Parenting Advocacy by Example — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her blog, Twitter and Facebook as her natural parenting soapbox.
• You Catch More Flies With Honey — When it comes to natural parenting advice, Kate of The Guavalicious Life believes you catch more flies with honey.
• From the Heart — Patti at Jazzy Mama searches her heart for an appropriate response when she learns that someone she respects wants his baby to cry-it-out.
• I Offer the Truth — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares the hard truths to inspire parents in making changes and fully appreciating the parenting experience.
• Advocating or Just Opinionated? — Momma Jorje discusses how to draw the line between advocating compassionately and being just plain opinionated. It can be quite a fine line.
• Compassionate Advocacy — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting writes about how to discuss topics you are passionate about with people who don’t share your views.
• Heiny Helpers: Sharing Cloth Love — Heiny Helpers is guest posting on Natural Parents Network to share how they are providing cloth diapers and cloth diapering support to low income families.
• Struggling with Advocacy — April of McApril still struggles to determine how strongly she should advocate for her causes, but still loves to show her love for her parenting choices to those who would like to listen.
• Compassionate Advocacy Through Blogging (AKA –Why I Blog) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how both blogging and day-to-day life give her opportunities to compassionately advocate for natural parenting practices.
• A Letter to *Those* Parents — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how to write an informed yet respectful reply to those parents — you know, the ones who don’t parent the way you do.
• Why I Am Not A Homebirth Advocate — Olivia at Write About Birth is coming out: she is a homebirth mom, but not a homebirth advocate. One size does not fit all – but choice is something we can all advocate for!
• Why I Open My Big Mouth — Wolfmother from Fabulous Mama Chronicles reflects on why she is passionate about sharing parenting resources.
• Watching and Wearing — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life advocates the joys of babywearing simply by living life in a small college town.
• Compassionate Advocacy . . . That’s The Way I Do It — Amyables at Toddler in Tow describes how she’s learned to forsake judgment and channel her social energy to spread the “good news” of natural parenting through interaction and shared experiences.
• Compelling without repelling — Lauren at Hobo Mama cringes when she thinks of the obnoxious way she used to berate people into seeing her point of view.
• I Am the Change — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro describes a recent awakening where she realized exactly how to advocate for natural parenting.
• Public Displays of Compassion — The Accidental Natural Mama recounts an emotional trip to the grocery store and the importance of staying calm and compassionate in the storm of toddler emotions.
• I will not hide behind my persona — Suzi Leigh at Attached at the Boob discusses the benefits of being honest and compassionate on the internet.
• Choosing My Words — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares why she started her blog and why she continues to blog despite an increasingly hectic schedule.
• Honour the Child :: Compassionate Advocacy in the Classroom — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree shares her experience of being a gentle and compassionate parent — with other people’s children — as a classroom volunteer in her daughter’s senior kindergarten room.
• Inspired by the Great Divide (and Hoping to Inspire) — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis shares her thoughts on navigating the “great divide” through gently teaching and being teachable.
• Introverted Advocacy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she advocates for gentle parenting, even though she is about as introverted as one can be.
• The Three R’s of Effective and Gentle Advocacy — Ana at Pandamoly explains how “The Three R’s” can yield consistent results and endless inspiration to those in need of some change.
• Passionate and Compassionate: How do We do It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares the importance of understanding your motivation for advocacy.
• Sharing the love — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about how she shares the love and spreads the word.
• What Frank Said — Nada at miniMOMist has a good friend named Frank. She uses his famous saying to demonstrate how much natural parenting has benefited her and her family.
• Baby Sling Carriers Make Great Compassionate Advocacy Tools — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shared her babywearing knowledge — and her sling — with a new mom.
• Everyday Superheroes — Who needs Superman when we have a community of compassionate advocates?! Dionna at Code Name: Mama believes that our community of gentle bloggers are the true superheroes.
• Words of advice: compassionately advocating for my parenting choices — MrsH at Fleeting Moments waits to give advice until she’s been asked, resulting in fewer advocacy moments but very high responsiveness from parents all over the spectrum of parenting approaches.
• Peaceful Parenting — Peaceful parenting shows at Living Peacefully with Children with an atypical comment from a stranger.
• Speaking for birth — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud soul-searches about how she can advocate for natural birth without causing offense.
• Gentle is as Gentle Does — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how she is gently advocating her parenting style.
• Walking on Air — Rachael at The Variegated Life wants you to know that she has no idea what she’s doing — and it’s a gift.
• Parenting with my head, my heart, and my gut — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her thoughts on being a compassionate advocate of natural parenting as a blogger.
• At Peace With the World — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry talks about being an advocate for peaceful parenting at 10,000 feet.
• Putting a public face on “holistic” — Being public about her convictions is a must for Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama, but it takes some delicacy.
• Just Be; Just Do. — Amy at Anktangle believes strongly about her parenting methods, and also that the way to get people to take notice is to simply live her life and parent the best she knows how.
• One Parent at a Time… — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that advocating for Natural Parenting is best accomplished by walking the walk.
• Self-compassion — We’re great at caring for and supporting others —from our kiddos to other mamas — but Lisa at Gems of Delight shares a post about treating ourselves with that same sense of compassion.
• Using Montessori Principles to Advocate Natural Parenting — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how she uses Montessori principles to be a compassionate advocate for natural parenting.
• Advocacy? Me? — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers that by “just doing her thing,” she may be advocating for natural parenting.
• Feeding by Example — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip shares her experience of being the first one of her generation to parent.
• Compassionate Consumerism — Erica at ChildOrganics encourages her children to be compassionate consumers and discusses the benefits of buying local and fair trade products.
• The Importance of Advocating Compassionately — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood acts as a compassionate advocate by sharing information with many in the hopes of reaching a few.
• Some Thoughts on Gentle Discipline — Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her thoughts and some tips on Gentle Discipline.
• Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle shares how her passion for making natural choices in pregnancy, birth, and parenting have supported others in Dominica and beyond.
• A journey to compassion and connection — Jessica at Instead of Institutions shares her journey from know-it-all to authentic advocacy.
• Advocacy Through Openness, Respect, and Understanding — Melissa at The New Mommy Files describes her view on belief, and how it has shaped the way she advocates for gentle parenting choices.
• Why I’m not an advocate for Natural Parenting — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog delivers the shocking news that, after 10 years of being a mum, she is NOT an advocate for natural parenting!
• Natural Love Creates Natural Happiness — A picture is worth a thousand words, but how about a smile, or a giggle, or a gaze? Jessica at Cloth Diapering Mama’s kids are extremely social and their natural happiness is very obvious.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy — Even in the progressive SF Bay Area, Lily at Witch Mom finds she must defend some of her parenting choices.
• A Tale of Four Milky Mamas — In this post The ArtsyMama shares how she has found ways to repay her childhood friend for the gift of milk.
• don’t tell me what to do — Pecky at benny and bex demonstrates compassionate advocacy through leading by example.

11 Responses to “Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love”

1. Melissa @ The New Mommy Files says:

   April 12, 2011 at 06:11

   Awesome, awesome, awesome post! What a wonderful resource you are in your community! Thank you for sharing your passion in this space, too. I’ve been reading along quietly for a bit, and you really are an inspiring mama.

   Oh, and I loved Hypnobirthing, too
   Melissa @ The New Mommy Files recently posted..Advocacy through Openness- Respect- and Understanding

   Reply
2. Mrs Green @ littlegreenblog.com says:

   April 12, 2011 at 07:11

   gosh, you have so much wisdom and experience to share – keep on sharing sweet mama. Like you, I find speaking out about hitting really hard because I don’t want to come across as judgemental. I’ll be interested to hear how you get on with this and I wish you well.
   Mrs Green @ littlegreenblog.com recently posted..Why I’m not an advocate for Natural Parenting

   Reply
3. Nikki says:

   April 12, 2011 at 08:20

   I came across your blog via twitter and just wanted to say that I find you inspirational and comforting. I have a similar approach to parenting with co-sleeping and am still breastfeeding at 18 months. But I didn’t think clearly enough beforehand about my choice of parenting style, so have always felt slightly on the back foot. Which is crazy because given a moments thought this was always the kind of mum I was going to be. I think that for you to be so comfortable and strong in your choices when they are so different to all those around you is amazing, especially when I have found it difficult with just my inlaws. I have learnt a lot during my short time as a mum and am much more comfortable with myself now but look forward to learning more and being more prepared for when we are ready for the next little person in our family.
   Thank you for sharing, Nikki x
   Nikki recently posted..Syon Park Tropical Zoo

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4. Dionna @ Code Name: Mama says:

   April 12, 2011 at 09:54

   You are doing amazing things over there – what an incredible treasure Dominica has And how awesome that you were asked to speak to a group of midwives in training – I hope you continue to be a powerful NP voice!
   Dionna @ Code Name: Mama recently posted..Ten Reasons I Choose to Nurse My Toddler

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5. Jessica | Cloth Diapering Mama says:

   April 12, 2011 at 11:13

   I love that you’ve been a living advocate for so long! And that you have included your pregnancies and beautiful births in your compassionate advocacy. Amazing pictures to accompany a very inspirational post. You exude happiness!
   Jessica | Cloth Diapering Mama recently posted..Natural love creates natural happiness

   Reply
6. Rachael says:

   April 12, 2011 at 22:08

   I love the story of your hospital birth! What a way to change your birth plan!

   And my very best wishes to you as you strive to find the best way to advocate for gentle discipline.
   Rachael recently posted..Walking on Air

   Reply
7. Lucy @ dreamingaloudnet says:

   April 13, 2011 at 06:09

   Wonderful. Keep going mama! What a gift you are to your community.

   My third baba was a water birth and went from all in to all out in one push too – I can STILL feel that power of that push in my vagina – mama power!
   Lucy @ dreamingaloudnet recently posted..I cant be can I

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8. Megan says:

   April 13, 2011 at 16:22

   Your enthusiasm and positive attitude are contagious! Thanks for sharing your story about n.p. in Dominica.

   Reply
9. Laura says:

   April 13, 2011 at 21:05

   I really appreciate your take on the gentle discipline advocacy. You’re doing an amazing job just raising your own babies, from what I’ve read, and I hope and pray that you can be the example the people around you that they need to make a difference in their children’s lives!

   Reply
10. Isil says:

    April 16, 2011 at 16:29

    Great post for the carnival.I love the photo at hospital with mum and baby.

    Reply
11. Zoie @ TouchstoneZ says:

    April 19, 2011 at 15:37

    I think this is one of my favorite CarNatPar posts. It’s so full of positivity and life! This exemplifies compassionate advocacy to me: researching while following your instincts, gently living your principles, and being a resource for others to explore for themselves. It inspires!
    Zoie @ TouchstoneZ recently posted..Breastfeeding Flavors

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