Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Philosophy
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared their parenting practices and how they fit in with their parenting purpose. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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As I begin this post I reflect on the long-term parenting relationship I have with my mother. I grew up knowing I was loved and cared for. I felt that my interests mattered and were nurtured and at the very least respected, even if not understood. My Mother has watched me grow and develop a path in life that is very different from her own and has never wavered in her support. She is proud of my successes and accepting of my defeats. My mother knows more about me than anyone else in the world, and yet she remains so completely accepting and loving. I consider her to be the very presence of unconditional love. She offers advice when asked for but is not judgmental. I see her as a ‘yes’ person or at least a ‘let’s see what is possible’. I admire her patience, creative thinking and generous nature. Despite now living 4000 miles away from her, there is still nothing I could not share with her and I am grateful that I have always been able to have such an open and honest relationship. I very much hope some of her amazing qualities have rubbed off on me as I now parent two young children of my own.
“When you became a parent, hopefully you signed on for becoming and being a great parent, not just a barely adequate one.” Janet Baum
For me having children is a self-development process like no other. If I used to question and reflect on my actions before these two little beings were present in my life, then that process has grown immeasurably since they arrived. I see them copy my behaviour – both the good and the bad and a mirror is held up to me in each moment. And I also know there will be a time when they choose not to copy me so unquestioningly and forge their own unique paths ahead.
It is my desire and continual practice to live according to the values that matter to me the most and present the attitudes that I believe foster feelings of wellbeing and joy. I don’t always succeed but as I continually gravitate towards this desire, my hope is that whatever journey they choose in life they will have a toolbox of these positive attributes that will assist them on their path.
My two children offer me continual inspiration.
Delving in to the topic and question of this Parenting Philosophy carnival, I realise there are many qualities and types of relationship I would like to nurture in my children which include, but are not limited to, curiosity, wonder, generosity, joyfulness, optimism, optimal health, passion, love of the natural world, life-long learning, laughter and, most importantly, the freedom to be who they truly are knowing they are unconditionally loved.
One quality I am currently focusing on specifically is Peacefulness. To be at peace with ourselves and thus be peacemakers in our world. Peace of knowing that we can be vibrationally in harmony with our highest source, the peace of feeling valuable and worthy all the time, the peace of being able to offer peace and see it flourish, the peace to be happy and enjoy that happiness, the peace to simply be.
In the book Celebrate Peace
by Louise Diamond, there is a section on ‘Peace for the Children’. In this chapter, Diamond expresses that:
‘One of the strongest messages of peace we can send to our children is to honor their true natures. If we ignore them, put them down or fail to give them the time and attention they deserve, we are doing great violence to our children’s souls’
Her suggestions for raising peacemakers include, setting the right example, stopping children’s exposure to violence, creating a peace corner in the home and encouraging the safe expression of feelings and empowering our children. We already do our best to practice most of these but there is always, ALWAYS room for improvement. I currently have two small peace posters on the walls which, along with lovely images, read: ‘Let Peace Be Our Gift to Eachother’ and ‘PEACE – One People, One Planet, One Time’. I love the idea of expanding on this and creating a peace corner in our home too.
Images of Peace by http://peacethroughpottery.blogspot.com. I'd love to use some of these to create a Peace corner.
The book ‘Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids
’ says, the number one Peaceful Parenting Key is that ‘Peace Begins with Me.’ So my current steps and goals to greater peacefulness now are as follows:
- To create and support my inner peace through daily mindfulness practices. Breathing, meditation, yoga & journaling. I learnt through participating in the Mindful Mama blog carnival hosted by Touchestonez, that even 5 minutes spent in any of these practices makes a difference to my energy (Cultivating Peace)
- To reflect even more consciously and deeply on the parenting choices I make and life that I am creating (Developing Peace)
- To create several systems that help us stay organized and flowing, these include a variety of things such clear storage spaces, meal planning, personal timetabling and downsizing my to-do list. (Peace of mind)
- To prioritise doing things I enjoy. (The more peace I have within myself, the more I can offer)
- Use more peaceful conflict resolution techniques with loved ones such as those exemplified by Non-violent communication. (Modeling Peace)
- To get more downtime and rest than I currently do now. (Peace is built on patience!)
And with that last one I’m going to fulfill it in the moment by abruptly ending my post, signing out and going to bed right NOW! Please let me know how you cultivate Peace in your family and I’ll keep you updated on how it all goes in ours – Peace!
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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- Between Love and Fear: On Raising our Children Sensibly — Mamma Earthly at Give an Earthly discusses the fear factor in parenting and how she overcame it, despite societal pressures.
- really, when do i get my cape? — Sarah at small bird on fire is a working city mama trying to learn how to set aside her expectations of perfection and embrace the reality of modern parenting.
- Baby, Infant, and Toddler Wearing — Child wearing is part of Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured‘s parenting philosophy. In this post, Sarah describes benefits of child-wearing and gives tips for wearing babies, infants, and toddlers (even while pregnant).
- First Year Reflections — As her daughter’s first birthday approaches, Holly at First Year Reflections reflects on how she and her husband settled into attachment parenting after initially doing what they thought everyone else did.
- Making an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a guest post from Sam about the unexpected lessons giving a four-year-old an allowance teaches the child — and the parent.
- How to be a Lazy Parent and Still Raise Great Kids — Lisa at Granola Catholic talks about how being a Lazy Parent has helped her to raise Great Kids.
- Philosophy in Practice — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how her heart shaped the parenting philosophy in her home.
- What is Attachment Parenting Anyway? — Gaby at Tmuffin describes the challenges of putting a label on her parenting philosophy.
- Of Parenting Styles — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom talks about how she and her husband tailored various parenting styles to fit their own preferred parenting philosophy.
- Moment by Moment Parenting — Amy at Peace 4 Parents encourages those who care for children (including herself) to explore and appreciate parenting moment-by-moment with clarity, intention, trust, and action.
- Maintaining Spirituality in the Midst of Everyday Parenting, Marriage, and Life — Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured shares her perspective on finding opportunities for spiritual growth in every day life.
- Parenting Philosophy — Lily, aka Witch Mom’s parenting philosophy is to raise child(ren) to be compassionate, loving, inquisitive, and questioning adults who can be trusted to make decisions for themselves in a way that avoids harming others.
- Long Term — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis thinks about who she would like to see her daughter become — and what she can do now to lay a strong foundation for those hopes.
- Connection, Communication, Compassion — She’s come a long way, baby! After dropping her career in favour of motherhood, Patti at Jazzy Mama discovered that building solid relationships was going to be her only parenting priority.
- My Parenting Inspirations – Part 4 — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at her biggest parenting inspiration and how that translates into her long-term parenting philosophy.
- A Parenting Philosophy in One Word: Respect — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction summarizes her parenting and relationship philosophy in one word: respect.
- Knowledge and Instinct — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that knowledge and instinct are super important … as are love, encouragement and respect. It’s the ideal combo needed to raise happy and healthy children and in turn create meaningful relationships with them.
- THRIVE! — The Sparkle Mama wants to set a tone of confidence, abundance, and happiness in her home that will be the foundation for the rest of her daughter’s life.
- On Children — “Your children are not your children,” say Kahlil Gibran and Hannah at Wild Parenting.
- This One Life Together — Ariadne aka Mudpiemama shares her philosophy of parenting: living fully in the here and now and building the foundation for a happy and healthy life.
- Enjoying life and planning for a bright future — Olivia at Write About Birth shares her most important parenting dilemmas and pours out her heart about past trauma and how healing made her a better parent.
- My Parenting Philosophy: Unconditional and Natural Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about her parenting philosophy from a year of following her instincts as a mama.
- An open letter to my children — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine writes an open letter to her children.
- My Starter Kit for Unconditional Parenting — Sylvia at MaMammalia discusses her wish to raise a good person and summarizes some of the nontraditional practices she’s using with her toddler son in order to fulfill that wish.
- Responsiveness — Sheila at A Gift Universe has many philosophies and goals, but what it all boils down to is responsiveness: listening to what her son wants and providing what he needs.
- Tools for Creating Your Parenting Philosophy — Have you ever really thought about your parenting purpose? Knowing your long-term goals can help you parent with more intent in your daily interactions. Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers exercises and ideas to help you create your own parenting philosophy.
- Be a Daisy — Becky at Old New Legacy philosophizes about individuality and how she thinks it’s important for her daughter’s growth.
- What’s a Mama to Do? — Amyables at Toddler in Tow hopes that her dedication to compassionate parenting will keep her children from becoming too self-critical as adults.
- grown-up anxieties. — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life explains her lone worry concerning her babies growing up.
- Why I Used Montessori Principles in My Parenting Philosophy — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells why she chose Montessori principles to help her now-adult children develop qualities she wanted to see in them as children and adults.
- Parenting Philosophies & Planning for the Future — Momma Jorje considers that the future is maybe just a fringe benefit of doing what feels right now.
- Not Just Getting Through — Rachael at The Variegated Life asks what truths she hopes to express even in the most commonplace interactions with her son.
- Parenting Philosophy? Eh… — Ana at Pandamoly shares the philosophy (or lack thereof) being employed to (hopefully) raise a respectful, loving, and responsible child.
- Parenting Philosophy: Being Present — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the changes her family has made to accommodate their parenting philosophy and to reflect their ideals as working parents.
- Who They Will Be — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro shares a short list of some qualities she hopes she is instilling in her children at this very moment.
- Short Term vs. Long Term — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts how long term parenting goals often get lost in the details of everyday life with two kids.
- Parenting Philosophy: Practicing and Nurturing Peace — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle sets personal goals for developing greater peace.
- Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 1: The Yamas — In part 1 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie guest posts at Natural Parents Network about how the Yoga Sutras provide a framework for her parenting philosophy.
- Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 2: The Niyamas — In part 2 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie explores how the Niyamas (one of the eight limbs in traditional Yoga) help her maintain her parenting and life focus.
- Our Sample Parenting Plan — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shares hopes of who her children will become and parenting strategies she employs to get them there.
- Philosophical Parenting: Letting Go — Jona at Life, Intertwined ponders the notion that there’s no right answer when it comes to parenting.
- Unphilosophizing? — jessica at instead of institutions wonders about the usefulness of navel gazing.
- Parenting Sensitively — Amy at Anktangle uses her sensitivity to mother her child in ways that both nurture and affirm.
- how to nurture your relationships — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes that sometimes all kids need is a jolly good listening to …
- Philosophy Of An Unnatural Parent — Dr. Sarah at Good Enough Mum sees parenting as a process of guiding her children to develop the skills they’ll need.
- Life with a Challenging Kid: Hidden Blessings — Wendy at High Needs Attachment shares the challenges and joys of raising a high needs child.
- Flying by the Seat of My Pants — Heather at Very Nearly Hippy has realized that she has no idea what she’s doing.
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‘. A couple of my other favourite books I use as reminders for this are ‘Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves
’ and ‘Radical Unschooling – A Revolution Has Begun
’. The radio show Leading Edge Parenting by Sandi Schwartz, explains many facets of this subject too and keeps me on track. And course check my blogroll for the many other amazing natural parenting writers who continually inspire)
“For me having children is a self-development process like no other.” This is so absolutely true. I can imagine few other endeavors which would challenge me so thoroughly and broadly as parenting.
And thank you for the reminder to take a look at my bookshelf. Several of the titles you mentioned I own, but have not yet read and others I read a decade ago and I know I find it helpful to refresh such ideas constantly.
What great suggestions on how to incorporate peacefulness into our lives! I know for me, getting enough sleep is really important. It is so hard for me to be patient and be the mother I want to be when I’m tired. It’s hard though because I also like the quiet time at night when both kids go to sleep and use it to wind down. I try to go to bed early when I can and also catch a nap with the baby during the day if I can. Makes me much more peaceful!
I really like how you’ve pulled out one quality and reflected on how you are living/modeling/encouraging it. We’d probably all benefit from the same type of exercise often!
Great post! There are people who walk in peace and people who walk in reactiveness that’s not a word probably but you know what I mean. If their toddler acts like a toddler will sometimes act they react strongly. I heard a toddler cry in a store yesterday and the mom tightened her grip and said in an ugly ugly tone if “Do you want a spanking?!” When you live in a peaceful way when your toddler cries or is upset wanting something different than you at any time we react with for example like “oh bubba I’m so sorry we have to leave our time is up. I know it makes you sad.” Life is really so much easier when you’re in a peaceful frame of mind and it’s not only easier for mom it’s easier for a toddler to know they can express themselves and not be threatened for having an emotion.
Lovely reminder to keep peace around you daily.
Sorry got rambly there!
What a great post. I am a teacher and artist and talk with my students about peace all the time. So many good suggestions and tips here. Thank you for including a link to my art site! I am so flattered. Paz.
Todd in Santa Fe recently posted..Where is the pEAcE?
Thanks Todd. I felt at peace looking at your work.