I wrote my first story of tandem nursing after we had been at it for about 3 months. This week I’ve seen tandem nursing pop up all over the place with Hobo Mama’s story of nursing in her third Trimester, Code Name: Mama documenting her first tandem nursing experience (with a child that was not her own – love it!), Kitchen Witch writing on nursing through pregnancy and my original story posted up on the Nursing Freedom Facebook page. I keep promising to write an updated story so here it is…
Well firstly and most obviously is that we are STILL tandem nursing. My girl, Keeyah is 32 months and my boy, Amarii is almost 18 months and they both remain ardent breast-milk fans. I can’t see our tandem nursing journey ending anytime soon, which some days is a sweet, comforting thought and others a daunting and frustrating one. For me breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding is natural, normal and worthwhile but it can also be hard work too.
Making it Work
I’ve never had a schedule or timing for breastfeeding, in true attachment parenting style, I just feed on demand. At one point both of the children were breastfeeding at least 5 times a day. This was highly time consuming and as I said in my previous post, I probably spent more time breastfeeding then sleeping at that point! Even though it may have been better in terms of time management, I stopped breastfeeding my children simultaneously very early on. Having a child on each breast was complete sensory overload for me and we would not still be a breastfeeding triad today if I had forced myself to do that. It works for some people and I read some really cute stories in ‘Adventures in Tandem Nursing
Simultaneous tandem nursing - one of the rare occasions!
In the early days of breastfeeding, I would just gaze at my child, enjoying the special moments of eye connection and the delightful bubble of love that many mothers feel when nursing a newborn. I also used our breastfeeding sessions to meditate and pray. However, as I admitted in my guest post for Code Name Mama’s Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy feature, as time progressed I started to need a little distraction to be able to tolerate long feeds from my older child and would sometimes have a book handy to read as I nursed. Nowadays our breastfeeding sessions are almost always a chance for me to read a good magazine, book or blog and my daughter will often bring me my glasses just before we are about to nurse! There is still a lot of tenderness, cuddles, kisses on their sweet little foreheads and a little chit chat, but I’ll admit that a lot of the time I’m a multi-tasking breastfeeder!
Joyful Mama and Breastfeeding baby!
Bedtime Feeding
When Amarii was a few months old and had established a fairly regular bedtime for himself, I would breastfeed him to sleep, then go to Keeyah and do the same for her. When Keeyah turned 2 this arrangement was getting too much for me to continue. K would take ages to fall asleep on the breast and it was getting so irritating I would think of weaning her, even though in my heart I didn’t really want to. During our trip to the UK in Summer 2010, where I was sometimes without the extra hands to hold her, we changed the routine so that I would give her breastmilk before bed time and have her fall asleep with a cuddle while Amarii breastfed. This worked much better as I felt more in control of the duration of her breastfeeding and able to soothe and nurture her in other ways. We mostly continue with this sleeping arrangement although recently there are days when she skips an afternoon nap and is extra tired by bedtime. On these evenings I’ll often breastfeed her to sleep as it’s quick and really what she wants.
Night-time Feeding
Night-time feedings have been fairly easy for me as Keeyah was already sleeping through the night when her brother arrived and so I only ever had one baby to wake up for. However, Amarii was a voracious feeder at nights and I am sure each day he would wake up heavier than when he went to bed. He still does feed at night, at irregular times although because we co-sleep it’s quite simple to just roll over, put breast in mouth and continue in a light sleep until he is done. I especially love feeding him when I first go to bed, and spending the last part of my day watching his face look so content and at peace, while feeling that sense of special bonding and closeness. I don’t like when he goes through phases of waking me up every 2 hours and it feels as he is feeding for 2 hours each time!
Getting Sick, Getting Better
In November 2010 we all were knocked down with sickness. Keeyah got viral gastroenteritis and we had to stay in hospital for 3 days with a drip for her to rehydrate. During that time the only other thing she wanted was breastmilk. This was great to know I could still supply her with a good source of nutrition as her body was healing but it also placed extra demands on me. It was also the first time I’ve been separated from my boy and since he still wakes in the night I was worried about how he would cope without my milk. Thankfully he and his Daddy were staying just across the road from the hospital so it was relatively easy to keep a check on him during the day and when I was certain that Keeyah was completely asleep at night I would run over to nurse him too. The first night I left the hospital at 1am to go and nurse him again in case he woke and got some strange questions from the security guard when I tried to re-enter the hospital an hour later!
Keeyah with drip.
On the same day Keeyah was discharged from the hospital, Amarii showed symptoms of the same virus and that night was waking up every two hours with huge diapers full of diarrhea – yuck. Thankfully I was much more aware of the need to keep him fully hydrated and simply gave him plenty of breastmilk and water until the virus passed through his system.
Phew, that was over but I was exhausted! All the extra breastfeeding had helped the children bounce back fast, but when I got a little cold a few days later it turned into a thick chesty cough that I couldn’t shake off. None of my usual natural remedies would work and later that week when I took Amarii to the pediatrician for a check up, she also gave me course of antibiotics. A week later the antibiotics had done nothing and I was routinely coughing up thick phlegm…sorry to gross you out with all these bodily fluid details…stick with me here!
Both my Grandmother and an Ayurvedic practitioner felt that my immune system was being compromised by the breastfeeding and urged me to wean Keeyah. I did feel weak, worn out and in need of a rest but when it came down to it, the thought of weaning her seemed emotionally and physically more difficult than the prospect of continuing. I didn’t feel I could deny her, while still breastfeeding her brother and this must be a conundrum other tandem nursing mothers face too – how do you wean an older child without inciting feelings of jealousy and resentment towards their sibling? I wasn’t just taking the path of least resistance, I also felt sad that our breastfeeding relationship would come to an abrupt rather than a gentle, mutually agreed upon end. I am intrigued by child-led weaning and although I do not envision breastfeeding when she is 7 years old1, I’d like her to come to a stage where she steps away from the breast rather than it being taken away. So I made all efforts I could to reduce her intake each day and while I recovered from the bout of sickness we went down to once a day. It has since increased slightly with her breastfeeding now between 1-3 times a day. My immune system is better although I have found that I have low blood pressure which may be related to the breastfeeding but I gotta check it out to be sure!
Breastfeeding in Public
I’ve always been a brazen breastfeeder and I find it quite interesting to watch people’s reactions on the occasions that I feed one child after the other. Some have tentatively asked if they are twins whilst others confide that they wish they had been able to nurse both babies, as they were told to stop during pregnancy. Dominica is a very breastfeeding friendly culture (no one bats an eye if you feed your child in the street!) but tandem nursing seems to be relatively unheard of.
If I am asked my friends and family when I will wean and I usually just shrug and answer ‘I don’t know’, because at this stage I really don’t. I find that sometimes I have to defend Keeyah and quietly reassure her, as some people accuse her of stealing her brothers milk! Mostly I like the conversations which give me the opportunity to share all that I have learned so far, bust a few myths and learn from others who share their stories of extended breastfeeding. I am proud to be a living testimony to the possibility and reality of tandem nursing.
Breastfeeding in public. If you don't like it, don't look!
The Journey Continues
Ultimately tandem nursing has not been without it’s challenges; some days I feel completely touched out and want to scream ‘GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BREASTS’ and run for the hills! But overall I feel very fortunate that I have been able to continue breastfeeding my children for this length of time. I’ve never used formula or even had to pump breast milk. I am still producing a lot of milk and on the rare occasions I am away from the kids for a few hours, I return to them very full (which of course they love!) I still have no idea how long our tandem nursing journey will continue and I am aware that although it may seem like a long time while I am in the midst of it, really it will be just a fraction of their lives, so I do my very best to enjoy it all.
A healthy, happy, tandem nursing trio 
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I love this! Thank you so much for sharing. I didn’t get to experience tandem nursing since my kids are 5 years apart, but your story makes me wish I had. Blessings on you and your gorgeous family!
Thanks Heather…well you could always try again – give your lovely little boy another sibling
Blessings to you too.
You are an inspiration mama, thank you for sharing your journey with us!!
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama recently posted..Animal Tail Tutorial
Great story! I tandem nursed for 20 months before my older daughter weaned on her own. My little one is still nursing, and I expect her to continue for quite some time yet. So it is possible for the older one to wean while you still have milk for the younger!
Alicia @ Lactation Narration recently posted..Expert
Ah thanks Alicia, yes I guess I never know when either child will wean!
lovely to read another mom’s experience with tandem feeding, many similarities! we’re just over three years here, and I recently got to the point of having to cut back in frequency and duration. my daughter is four and son is three with just under one year between them, and they are both still avid breastfeeders. my limits were reached nearly a year ago when they were both nursing up to ten times a day. i’ve slowly decreased, and now we’re morning, nap (when they do nap) and bedtime (they would have it much more). i can handle this, but just barely. i can totally relate to your touched-out feelings and wanting to run away screaming for them to stop touching your breasts! it definitely has it’s extremely trying moments, but over-all, I too am glad to have had the experience!
Hey Courtney, it’s great to know that I’m not alone in the highs and lows of the journey. Wow I have some way to reach three years. I’m so glad to read that you reached this far, as just today I was getting asked AGAIN, just when I would wean my older daughter (like it’s anyone’s business right?!)
I’m on month 19 of tandem nursing. It’s quite an adventure! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in feeling “touched out” sometimes.
As soon as either if my kiddos falls and gets hurt, I am instantly thankful that we are still nursing! What a way to soothe a hurting toddler!
Susan recently posted..Selfie Saturdays
Susan, I too appreciate knowing that I’m not the only one on this tandem journey. I also love the soothing, magical power of breast milk, infact many times I’ve felt that it must be harder NOT to breastfeed a toddler – To me it’s so much easier to handle those emotional meltdowns or times of hurt and stress with a little of Mama’s milk!
Thank you for this inspiring posts and the links given, I will surely check the rest of them out!
I’m currently still nursing my 2 yr old boy (mostly comfort nursing and nursing to sleep at daytime nap and nighttime sleeping) and at my 4 month pregnancy.
I hope to be able to continue nursing as long as we can!
Hey Jenny, how are you finding the nursing through pregnancy? I found that a challenge but most worthwhile now. Blessings with it all.
Thanks for the encouraging post. I am due with my 2nd baby any day now and my 32month old is still nursing. She is only nursing 1-3 times a day (recently down from at least 4 times daily) We talk about sharing with her brother when he comes and she is excited about it. I wonder if she will increase once she sees her brother nursing all the time.
I am the same when people ask when my daughter will wean, I just say, “I don’t know.”
Oh congrats Aja…you may already have baby with you and tandem nursing them as I write this!
Brazen breastfeeder! I love that term! I, too, am a brazen breastfeeder – in the USA. I don’t nurse in public often but I am quite brazen when I do.
Thank you for sharing your update. I hope to tandem nurse my toddler with another baby.
Momma Jorje recently posted..Monday Minimalist- Habits & Clutter
Hey Mama Jorge, welcome to the ranks of us self-declared brazen breastfeeders! I can’t take credit for the great term, that was the idea of Sundae Horn who also came up with a brazen breastfeeding manifesto! You can read more about that in my post http://tiny.cc/brazen-breastfeeding Keep up the great work!
I am from the nature isle myself, I came on your website to get a recipe for sea moss drink as I have thyroid issues. I found myself going through all the web pages smiling. This one had me really smiling. I breastfed my first daughter till one but had to stop because she had thrush and infected my breast. The second one, a nine pounder, breastfed until she was 18 months. She would breast feed to sleep and like you I let her do it on demand. One night, she simple said “I don’t want it.” I felt crushed and rejected but it was at her request….So keep going until they say no….
Hey there fellow nature-isle Mama! Thanks so much for browsing through
Hope you make some good seamoss – you’ve reminded me I need to put some to soak tonight! My daughter has just (I think) weaned…she is 3 years and 4 months. Her requests became less and for the last week we have not breastfed at all. My 2 year old more than makes up for it though – he breastfeeds like a newborn some days 
Thank you for your post and beautiful pictures. I am 2 months pregnant and my little one is only 14 months. I have been so devestated at the thought of diminished milk supply and all the other issues with breastfeeding while pregnant but your blog has really reassured me. Thank you so much!
Most welcome! I wish you all the best with your tandem nursing journey.